The Dark Side of Scorpio

Vengeful, Fixated, Self-Destructive, Insecure.

When They're Bad, They're Horrid.

If you get long poison-pen messages saying the friendship or relationship is over, or darkly hinting that a mole on her neck has probably become a deadly melanoma, it's likely from your Scorpio friend. Because Scorpio can be droll or entertaining, you forgive his or her moodiness and drama. In return, you will receive an invitation to a fabulous dinner or New Year's bash (Scorpios throw great house parties, but don't really want you at their house otherwise, so don't drop in). For a while all seems okay, until you get fresh complaints that you have insulted or hurt them, or been ungrateful, as if you were an enemy. You begin to think you should be.


A negative Scorpio is a "malcontent": a person who constantly feels attacked and misunderstood. Ironic and sarcastic, saying the opposite of what they mean, they are of course misunderstood. They have creative superpowers (like Bram Stoker, author of Dracula, born November 8, or painter Georgia O'Keeffe, born Nov. 15), but if unused, their creativity backs up and sours and they begin to obsess or fantasize and joke about committing crimes or suicide. Scorpio's incredible ability to focus, especially on career matters, is productive, and Scorpio has listening and leadership abilities that make him major employee-of-the-month material (Bill Gates, Oct. 28; Ted Turner, Nov. 19). Positive Scorpio can be classy but a touch intimidating, like Condoleezza Rice (Nov. 14): People hated her just for being tough and humorless. Effective Scorpio president Theodore Roosevelt (Oct. 25) spoke softly, but advised carrying a big stick.



Negative Scorpio stews for years over a slight or becomes an embittered crank believing he or she has achieved greatness the world is too stupid to recognize. And negative Scorpio, like Aries, thinks anger is a strength when it is a weakness. Constant resentment and frustration often manifest as chronic illness or an eating disorder such as obesity (top Latino rapper Big Punishment, born Oct. 25, died of a heart attack at 29) or other self-destructive behaviors. Keep your distance while they drink and party 'til they puke. After they beat themselves up, you might be their next target.

Hackers and Bunny-Boilers

Possessive and insecure, negative Scorpios think they aren't living unless their lives are a soap opera. They will disapprove of a son-in-law just to have something to disapprove of. They will stay in a dead-end marriage for "security" and pick people from the neighborhood or Internet to toy with. Within three days they believe they are in love. Built on vanity, these affairs are fragile, so Scorpio is scared and barrages his or her "baby" with gifts, cards, sexts, South Park DVDs (that's the most Scorpio show that ever was!), cute photos of kittens, and flattery; anything to wangle first place in a lover's life. They can't stand to be in second place and hate to lose anything, even an earring.



A positive Scorpio, after making a few sarcastic remarks, will probably quit a no-win situation; a negative Scorpio plots revenge. They can slash your tires or their wrists, spray-paint your house with the words "B...J..$10," distribute your credit card number, sell company secrets, or stalk you. Sylvia Plath (Oct. 27) shredded her husband's books, burned his letters, and danced around the bonfire, complained of poverty no matter how much money she sued him for, used their children as pawns, wrote a whole nasty novel about his affair (that manuscript is "lost"), and wrote poems calling him a jailer and torturer. Look for your name posted on Cheaterville and for your body posted on YouPorn. Negative Scorpios have no problem destroying your universe— you destroyed theirs! They, and some unevolved Scorpio Moon people, are the bunny-boilers of the zodiac.

. . . if unused, their creativity backs up and sours and they begin to obsess or fantasize and joke about committing crimes or suicide.

You've Heard Scorpios are Passionate

Astrology says Scorpios are passionate. "I love you, I hate you" is a sure thing with a Scorpio, but does "passionate" also mean they all cheat or are easy? On the contrary, they are passionate to the point of idiocy about the love they have - or believe they have. A Scorpio is too private and classy to wear that T-shirt saying "I Will Cuddle You So Hard," but too much Scorpio togetherness can and does suffocate their mates. Because finding love is difficult for them, they accept unconventional arrangements, like Demi Moore (Nov. 11), who married a man much younger than she. Single Scorpio can wait, celibate, for the right partner. Unhappily mated Scorpio fixates on his or her unfulfilled "needs" and finds a weakling to cheat with and use as a bargaining chip. Cheat on a Scorpio and she will always figure out whose panties she found in your car. Or while you are showering, he will secretly install spyware on your computer's hard drive. I didn't make that up. Ask Scorpio, "What's wrong?" and you will get that piercing Scorpio look. Take cover. It's going to be extreme. i


What do you think?
How does this information jibe with the Scorpio(s) you know?
1: I have seen the dark side of Scorpio, and it's scary.
2: I haven't seen Scorpio's scary side (...yet).

Answear below...